Dad's Room

Sitting in my father's room which has been almost stripped of his personal belongings.  Dad isn't here and I doubt he'd notice being that he died twenty days ago.  It feels like an untruth and at the same time it feels like it could have possibly happened a long long time ago.  I pulled up the calendar to count the days and I am a little taken a back that it has only been twenty days.  

Today we went around to the different financial establishments passing out death certificates like they were Halloween candy.  The transition is almost complete; his name is systematically being removed from all that was his.  It just isn't any longer.  

I am just sitting here in the dark on his bed hoping that he is being held and being told what a good person he is and how he is loved by so many.  I picture him in white light, warm and smiling.  I love you dad <3

Monster Moon

The moon isn't quite full tonight but I pray that there is enough light to help my father find his way.  There of course speculation about what happens when one dies; I laugh when people honestly believe they know the truth.  How could they know?  I would never presume to know what happens. I am a wait and see kind of gal. What I do know is that death is final for the living. My father was here this morning and now he isn't; perhaps in spirit but not in body.  They took him away, those men in the white mini van, they took him away and said they would be "good to our loved one". Seconds later they draped him in a silk blanket and tossed him up on  a gurney but I am sure they didn't mean to be so rough.  One can only hope that they do treat him with respect.

I am currently sitting on his bed in his room and he is not.  He just isn't.  I wonder if I type that fifty more times if it will seem any more real.  Death is surreal. 

Rest in peace Daddy
James Kolb
01-27-34
09-28-12